Fears.
Changing, varying.
At least that's how it has been with me.

At 2 years old I was not afraid of the dark. At 6 years old I was.
At 7 Years old I feared spiders. At 10 years old I played with them, had pet spiders and had spider fights at school.
At 4 years old I had stage fright. At 10 I was the 'regular' host/master of ceremonies at any school event, a member of the debate team and a campus journalist.

My fears have always changed. All of them except for one, the fear of being left behind and forgotten by the ones I loved. The mere thought of my special someone leaving me drives me up the wall, a mere joke about leaving me changes my mood. In time i have learned how to face my fears. How to accept my fears, embrace them and deal with them. But the one thing I dread about this particular fear (being left behind) is that even after it happens, even after the event is dealt with, the pain lingers, the memories stay, it is something i don't have to see to freak out. It's not like a spider that once I'm far away it wont bug me. It not like the darkness that come daylight its grip loosens. Once you're left behind you're left behind. Only time can heal the effects of this fear becoming a reality.

Feeling this fear is bittersweet. The bitterness I already described, as for the sweetness...well, i know that this fear only magnifies because I hold someone dear. And to have someone I hold dear is something I don't come across often in my life.

Why I'm writing about this I'm not sure. A part of me is afraid, a part of me is grateful for feeling this fear again, and a huge part of me is so in love with that someone I have, of which I hope and pray I would never ever lose.

No, I can't let that happen, I WONT. She means the world to me. This is the last I write of this fear. Let this be my conviction: I'm not losing my bubu, our forever starts TODAY.

vindicated at 10:43:00 AM